Two
Poems
by Alyssa Burrows |
Author's Links |
Three Months Required Stay for Return of Deposit Suck my asshole you hypocritical lying sack of shit Who the fuck do you think you are? Now I've known some mean-assed donkey-hair-lip motherfuckers in my time sonny boy but you put the ass in asshole you put the PU in punk you shit-eating goddamn son-of a-bitch prick mother fuck I answered your ad for a roommate in May charmed by your English accent and the lure of a backyard pool in summer It was a childhood fantasy it was Hollywood baby lounging on the deck in a floppy hat tied with a scarf and sunglasses while I sipped my mini-umbrella laden choice of alcoholic beverage and flipped through a fashion magazine type of summer that's how it was going to be I kicked aside intuition my only ally in the situation My mind lost in dreams of weekend margarita and daquiri-drenched pool parties with barbecued chicken and ribs and a cooler full of ice chock full of cheap beer that didn't cost me anything-type of parties parties that would be sure to make me popular and how everyone at work would have to be nice to me or they weren't invited and my brain began firing neurons of pleasure at the prospect of week night late night swims whenever I wanted All for the lure of that green green 30 foot pool with the weird little water bugs in it that you promised would be easy to clean You sad sorry son of a bitch you rat-faced cock sucking bastard We should get one thing straight here Your failures your frailities your flaws your immaturity your insecurities you and your general lazy-ass bastard problems are not my problem It is not my problem that you can't get laid and I am not the one to take your aggressions out on You can't get laid because you're ugly skinny balding have bad teeth are unemployed and on disability You can't get laid because you're mean perverted psychologically damaged and your inability to handle being disagreed with tips the girls off real quick That is, if they've decided to talk with you at all after they see your teeth It is not my problem that you feel inadequate as a man because of this I had no part in creating your massively flawed character or in letting your body wither and decay as you have But then remember there's always your 19 year old "girlfriend" from Western State Hospital and you can spring her for another "supervised weekend stay" Wasn't it handy you broke her out the last time the very weekend you needed help moving your furniture? You weak sissy-assed nancy boy prick I don't want to hear any crap about me waking you up Saturday afternoons by opening my bedroom door You should sleep in the night and be awake in the day Like everybody else in the world Getting a job would facilitate this Your only saving grace was the fact that I could beat you unconsious in 5 seconds flat but it did not keep me from fearing you your snakey slithery "I was just thinking..." intro and how you still seeped and spewed your venom into the very air I breathed Is he home? Is he here? Can I be left at peace? Of course you're here! If you're not at your dealer's house you are here! Waiting for the next roommate to venture into the kitchen to become free reign for you for a little tête à tête said the spider to the fly Healthy people know trying to make someone angry is not a game for personal pleasure you sick mother fuck Why are you here? taking my tax dollars being on disability for car accidents--plural That I'm sure you were the cause of I should know I've driven with you once There is not one damn thing wrong with you except for the fact you don't exercise and your muscles have withered away to nothing by constantly watching TV stoned all night propped up on a couch smoking cigarettes and eating 99¢ Michelina frozen dinners while you interrupt my meals that I wished to spend alone with the newspaper to tell me I have too much fat in my diet The most you do in a day in fact your only exercise is walking upstairs to leave me caustic notes in the kitchen which I read with low blood sugar after a hard day's work "Don't leave appliances unplugged it makes the counter look cluttered and replugging them is NOT someone else's job exclamation point exclamation point Now where I come from That's big talk for a 100 pound disabled ex-junkie punk who can't even move his own goddamn furniture with out the help of Mental Hospital girl friends And then there was the lecture "You are such a slob you have never cleaned behind the faucet and underneath the elements on the stove in the month and a half you have been here. You don't even wipe up the crumbs around the toaster." Yeah, that's right cocksucker because I don't eat toast! You're bitchin' about your own mess you pathetic sociopathic loser You're so full of yourself you smarmy little prick you are obnoxious condescending insulting and rude yet so weak and pasty it is not anybody's fault we all want to kick your little white limey ass Kick it back to the country where the sun don't shine You are so skinny it wouldn't have put any strain on my lower back to hold you suspended by one of your ankles above the still green pool in back which was the only reason I moved in by the way I'd call you a mama's boy but I know she didn't want you sent you off to boarding school poor bastard and the older boys diddled you didn't they and it must have been tough writing letters pleading to come home that went unanswered But again your sad sorry-assed no affection British upbringing is not my fault and not my problem You gave up control of your life for a check from my government and tried to rule a house with no job you interact with so few people you have to build your self-image through your interactions with roommates You don't feel you can let conversation happen naturally, rather you perversely enjoy starting arguments and quote unquote winning these arguments which you provoke Now getting to that there realization would have cost you at least 2000 bucks in therapy, fuckface and you can't even repay the balance of my deposit Isn't it funny how I supposedly owed you money until I did the math and you owed me? I don't trust you as far as I can throw you even though that's pretty far You know I used to believe that all people were basically good inside, that all people would respond positively if treated with kindness, consideration and respect Well you blew that one right out of the water, ya cunt you you are the bad seed you are so vile even Jesus himself would avoid you at parties And maybe while he's avoiding you he can help me aquire a philosophy of life tht would allow me to understand why degenerates like you have to fuck with me You are a rat in hysterical death throws trapped in the corner of what you made your life And therefore it is not my problem nor should it be that you have no hope for the future because you're ugly, skinny have bad teeth are unemployed on disability and are totally disagreeable in every way You should have thought of that before you reached middle age You are a tin pot dicator you pisser on the floor in front of the toilet you who subsidize your rent with everyone else's You who wanted $15 for my share of your phone bill for using your phone to call the phone company to get my line installed pay phones charge 35 cents Freak You who had to take baths in the bathroom next to me at 3:30am every morning jacking off or doing some damn perverted splishy splashy thing You know I hate to admit to God that I could watch you being beaten to a pulp with out lifting a finger, well one to help and I hate to admit to God how often I thought of beating you myself But I guess he knows It's a good thing we live in a society, asswipe or sweet, loveable old me would have no thought of arrest, incarceration assault charges, jail time lawyers fees, jury trials, probation officers and all the resulting consequences when the urge to pick you up by the throat takes over You psychologically damaged psychopath you are so evil you'll be given the after death scrooge-tour of your life ala "A Christmas Carol" Well look down on Christmas past baby and here I am givin' you the bird You will die lonely afraid and alone and no one will be at your funeral because they'll all be dancing in the streets And once the worms get a whiff of noxious, putrid old you even they will be doin' a 180 in your coffin motherfucker Give my regards to Lucifer Even Mother Theresa would have spit on you and walked past And while you're still here You do a lot better with the boys Just a suggesstion A Prayer for the Dying Dear God I know in your infinite wisdom that my current lack of companionship communication or connection with anyone on any level at this time will just make me that much more ecstatic and appreciative of the time when I actually have people in my life who give a flying crap Maybe if you could just make it so all the friends who would come to my funeral and cry would bother to call or at least return my calls while I'm still alive I mean Jesus I've been patient seriously I'm at a place in my life where if I actually meet a guy who'll let me speak 3 sentences before he interrupts I'd be so shocked I might even screw him Am I paying for past sins? Haven't I done my time already? I want you to know how marvelously blessed I will feel when I am surrounded by open caring people who might, perchance begin a conversation or ask me a question that doesn't begin with "Where is," "Will you," or "Can you" I promise I will adopt a better outlook on life when you send me people who don't turn and walk away when I am talking who can keep their mouths shut until I've finished talking and who do not start new conversations while still in current ones with me I swear to you I will shed a tear and shake the hand of the first person who gives me eye contact without psychically communicating "What the fuck you lookin' at?" If I just got a non-committal nod I would interpret it as an acknowledgment of my existence come on it's just a slight movement of the head My happiness shall radiate forth in a shockingly beautiful manner a manner which will glorify your greatness when my life includes those who use the words "excuse me" and "sorry" and "thank you" And I want to thank you in advance for delivering to me an environment with people who, when I speak to them make some sign to show me that they've actually heard I've said something Yes, no, uh-huh, OK, hold on, yeah all these words work to show that My days will be so deliriously happy when someone I know cares whether I live or die and if people already do they give me some way of perceiving that fact I will be strong and refuse to turn to stimulants intoxicants and sedatives when I meet a person who does something to show they've thought about my well-being for example: someone who says "What happened?" when I yell "Ow" bonus points to the person who comes over to look Tell me, Is the world set up so people have to be sexually interested in me to give me the time of day? I will sacrifice a lamb chop on a burning pyre of gratefulness to the deity--I hope it's you--who brings me humans that might show me the slightest amount of respect not just because they know I can kick their ass and please stop taunting me with hostile assholes who fuck with me assholes whose bodies I could snap like a twig you know I don't need that But people who will see my kindness and friendliness as a delightful bonus to every interaction and an invitation to respond in kind As opposed to being so fucked up that my behavior is taken as an obvious sign of weakness and vulnerability that begs ridicule and ostrasization And will you please inform the brilliant brilliant men I've had the pleasure of conversing with "Don't diss me if you're trying to get in my pants, capishe? I will get down on my knees kiss the ground and worship whatever God brings me this bounty of beauty consideration and kindness forever amen |
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