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Exquisite Corpse - A Journal of Letters and Life
Two Poems
by Alyssa Burrows
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Three Months Required Stay for Return of Deposit

Suck my asshole
you hypocritical lying
sack of shit

Who the fuck do you think you are?

Now I've known some mean-assed
donkey-hair-lip motherfuckers
in my time sonny boy
but you put the ass
in asshole
you put the PU in punk
you shit-eating
goddamn son-of a-bitch
prick mother

I answered your ad
for a roommate in May
charmed by your English accent
and the lure of a
backyard pool
in summer

It was a childhood fantasy
it was Hollywood baby
lounging on the deck
in a floppy hat tied with a scarf
and sunglasses while I sipped my
mini-umbrella laden choice
of alcoholic beverage
and flipped through a fashion
magazine type of summer
that's how it was going to be

I kicked aside intuition
my only ally
in the situation

My mind lost in dreams of weekend
margarita and daquiri-drenched
pool parties with barbecued chicken
and ribs and a cooler full of ice
chock full of cheap beer that didn't cost me
anything-type of parties
parties that would be sure to make me
and how everyone at work would have to be nice to me
or they weren't invited
and my brain began firing neurons of pleasure
at the prospect of week night late night swims
whenever I wanted

All for the lure of that green green
30 foot pool
with the weird little water bugs in it
that you promised
would be easy to clean

You sad sorry
son of a bitch
you rat-faced
cock sucking bastard

We should get one thing

Your failures
your frailities
your flaws
your immaturity
your insecurities
and your general
lazy-ass bastard problems
are not
my problem

It is not my problem
that you can't get laid
and I am not the one
to take your aggressions
out on

You can't get laid
because you're ugly
have bad teeth
are unemployed
and on disability

You can't get laid
because you're mean
damaged and
your inability
to handle being disagreed with
tips the girls off
real quick

That is, if they've decided
to talk with you at all
after they see your teeth

It is not my problem
that you feel inadequate
as a man
because of this

I had no part in creating
your massively flawed
or in letting your body wither
and decay as you have

But then remember
there's always your 19 year old "girlfriend"
from Western State Hospital
and you can spring her
for another "supervised
weekend stay"

Wasn't it handy
you broke her out the last time
the very weekend
you needed help
moving your
You weak sissy-assed
nancy boy prick

I don't want to hear any crap
about me waking you up
Saturday afternoons
by opening my bedroom door
You should sleep
in the night
and be awake
in the day
Like everybody
else in the world

Getting a job
would facilitate this

Your only saving grace
was the fact that I could beat you unconsious
in 5 seconds flat but
it did not keep me from fearing you
your snakey slithery "I was just thinking..." intro
and how you still seeped and spewed your
venom into the very air
I breathed

Is he home? Is he here?
Can I be left at peace?
Of course you're here!
If you're not at your dealer's house
you are here! Waiting for the next roommate to
venture into the kitchen
to become free reign for you
for a little tête à tête
said the spider to the fly

Healthy people know trying to make someone angry
is not a game for personal pleasure
you sick mother fuck

Why are you here?
taking my tax dollars
being on disability
for car accidents--plural
That I'm sure you were the cause of
I should know
I've driven with you

There is not one damn
thing wrong with you
except for the fact you don't
exercise and your muscles
have withered away to nothing
by constantly watching TV stoned
all night propped up on
a couch smoking cigarettes
and eating 99 Michelina
frozen dinners while
you interrupt my meals
that I wished to spend alone
with the newspaper
to tell me I have too much fat
in my diet

The most you do in a day
in fact your only exercise is
walking upstairs to leave
me caustic notes in the kitchen
which I read with low blood sugar
after a hard day's work

"Don't leave appliances
unplugged it makes the counter
look cluttered and replugging them
is NOT someone else's job
exclamation point
exclamation point

Now where I come from
That's big talk for a 100 pound
disabled ex-junkie punk
who can't even move his own
goddamn furniture with out the help of
Mental Hospital girl friends

And then there was the lecture
"You are such a slob
you have never cleaned
behind the faucet
and underneath the elements on the stove
in the month and a half
you have been here. You don't
even wipe up the crumbs
around the toaster."

that's right
because I
eat toast!

You're bitchin' about your own
mess you pathetic
sociopathic loser

You're so full of yourself
you smarmy little prick
you are obnoxious
insulting and rude
yet so weak and pasty
it is not anybody's fault
we all want to kick your
little white limey ass

Kick it back
to the country
where the sun
don't shine

You are so skinny
it wouldn't have put any
strain on my lower back
to hold you suspended
by one of your ankles
above the still green
pool in back
which was the only reason
I moved in
by the way

I'd call you a mama's boy
but I know she didn't want you
sent you off to boarding school
poor bastard and the older boys diddled
you didn't they and it must have been tough
writing letters pleading to come home
that went unanswered

But again
your sad sorry-assed no affection
British upbringing
is not my fault
and not my problem

You gave up control of your life
for a check from my government
and tried to rule a house
with no job
you interact with so few people
you have to build your self-image
through your interactions with roommates
You don't feel you can let conversation happen
naturally, rather you perversely enjoy starting
arguments and quote unquote winning
these arguments which you provoke

Now getting to that there realization
would have cost you at least 2000 bucks
in therapy, fuckface
and you can't even repay the
balance of my deposit

Isn't it funny how I supposedly owed
you money until I did the math
and you owed me?

I don't trust you as far as
I can throw you
even though
that's pretty far

You know I used to believe
that all people were basically good
inside, that all people would
respond positively if treated
with kindness, consideration
and respect

Well you blew that one
right out of the water, ya cunt
you are the bad seed
you are so vile even Jesus himself
would avoid you at parties

And maybe while he's avoiding you
he can help me aquire a philosophy of life
tht would allow me to understand
why degenerates like you
have to fuck with me

You are a rat
in hysterical death throws
trapped in the corner
of what you
made your life

And therefore
it is not my problem
nor should it be
that you have no hope for the future
because you're ugly, skinny
have bad teeth
are unemployed
on disability
and are totally disagreeable
in every way
You should have thought of that
before you reached

You are a tin pot dicator
you pisser on the floor
in front of the toilet
you who subsidize
your rent
with everyone else's
You who wanted $15
for my share of your phone bill
for using your phone
to call the phone company
to get my line installed
pay phones charge 35 cents

You who had to take baths
in the bathroom next to me
at 3:30am every morning
jacking off
or doing some damn perverted
splishy splashy thing

You know I hate to admit to God
that I could watch you being beaten
to a pulp
with out lifting
a finger, well
one to help
and I hate to admit to God
how often I thought
of beating you
But I guess he knows

It's a good thing
we live in a society, asswipe
or sweet, loveable old me
would have no thought
of arrest, incarceration
assault charges, jail time
lawyers fees, jury trials, probation officers
and all the resulting consequences
when the urge to pick
you up by the throat
takes over

You psychologically damaged
you are so evil
you'll be given the
after death scrooge-tour
of your life ala
"A Christmas Carol"
Well look down on Christmas past baby and
here I am givin' you
the bird

You will die lonely
afraid and alone
and no one will be
at your funeral

because they'll all be dancing in the streets

And once the worms
get a whiff of
noxious, putrid
old you
even they will be doin'
a 180 in your coffin

Give my regards to Lucifer

Even Mother Theresa
would have spit on you
and walked past

And while you're still here
You do a lot better with the boys
Just a suggesstion

A Prayer for the Dying

Dear God
I know in your infinite wisdom
that my current
lack of companionship
or connection
with anyone
on any level
at this time
will just make me that much more
ecstatic and
of the time
when I actually have people
in my life
who give
a flying

Maybe if you could just make it
so all the friends
who would come to my funeral
and cry
would bother to call
or at least return my calls
while I'm still alive

I mean
I've been patient

I'm at a place in my life
where if I actually meet a guy
who'll let me speak 3 sentences before he interrupts
I'd be so shocked
I might even screw him

Am I paying for past sins?
Haven't I done my time already?

I want you to know
how marvelously blessed I will feel
when I am surrounded by open
caring people who might, perchance
begin a conversation
or ask me a question
that doesn't begin with
"Where is," "Will you,"
or "Can you"

I promise I will adopt
a better outlook on life when you send me
people who don't turn
and walk away
when I am talking
who can keep their mouths shut
until I've finished
and who do not start new conversations
while still in current ones
with me

I swear to you I will shed a tear
and shake the hand of the first person
who gives me eye contact
without psychically communicating
"What the fuck you lookin' at?"
If I just got a non-committal nod
I would interpret it
as an acknowledgment
of my existence
come on
it's just a slight
of the head

My happiness shall radiate forth
in a shockingly beautiful manner
a manner which will glorify your greatness
when my life includes those who
use the words "excuse me" and "sorry"
and "thank you"
And I want to thank you
in advance for delivering to me
an environment with people who,
when I speak to them
make some sign
to show me that they've actually heard
I've said something
Yes, no, uh-huh, OK, hold on, yeah
all these words work to show that

My days will be so deliriously happy
when someone I know
cares whether I live or die
and if people already do
they give me some way
of perceiving
that fact

I will be strong
and refuse to turn to stimulants
intoxicants and sedatives
when I meet a person
who does something to show
they've thought about my well-being
for example: someone who says "What happened?"
when I yell "Ow"
bonus points to the person
who comes over to look

Tell me,
Is the world set up so
people have to be sexually interested in me
to give me the time
of day?

I will sacrifice a lamb chop on a burning pyre of gratefulness
to the deity--I hope it's you--who brings me humans
that might show me the slightest amount of respect
not just because they know I can kick their ass
and please stop taunting me
with hostile assholes who fuck with me
assholes whose bodies
I could snap like a twig
you know I don't need that

But people who will see my kindness and friendliness
as a delightful bonus
to every interaction
and an invitation to respond
in kind

As opposed to being so fucked up
that my behavior is taken
as an obvious sign of weakness
and vulnerability
that begs ridicule and

And will you please inform
the brilliant brilliant men
I've had the pleasure of conversing with
"Don't diss me
if you're trying to get
in my pants, capishe?

I will get down on my knees
kiss the ground
and worship whatever God
brings me this bounty
of beauty
and kindness

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