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Driving Religion Home (a cab ride from here to now)
by Ronald Gibbs

Neither a rational man nor a religious man would FINGER God would he? Mr. Bukowski?
The key is in the ignition.
It slips in easy like your average white man
slips it into fifty bucks of skaggy-looking cooch
or slips into the dominant wage in this democratic trickle down country of ours.
Ignorant. Cognition. Ignition... whoa there
listen to that baby ROAR. Love a big V-8
how 'bout you?
Feels like God touching man, don't it? Right over the driver's seat...
And wop opera blasting over late nite radio
this is my cathedral moving north at 45mph, deus ex machine.
Ecstasy and driving don't mix well.
Warning : In case of Rapture, this car will be unmanned, Right?
Far Right.

Good grief, Chuck... I do believe the wrong God is winning
The war for our souls is a public cock fight
too many roosters crowing about this sin and that sin,
pecking at everything human that doesn't recognize
the sacred cock
clawing bloody strips off of you, me, and the boy next door
bloody everything that's good about living
in the here and now.

Don't get me wrong.
Although I am not a religious man
I do breathe an airy prayer now and then
to all things nebulous, vaporous, and full of brotherly love,
but its usually 80 proof, gold like sunlight and
set in front of me where I can reach it
without spilling my beer. But yesterday...

Yesterday I saw God.

Stone cold sober. Not even a little fucked up.
honest. (its been WEEKS)

I saw HIM on the D.C. beltway in my rearview mirror
behind the wheel of a factory-fresh, brand spanking new
Volkswagen Cabriolet... doing about 1998-1999A.D.
Yeah. He was doing TIME. Ano Dominae.
He had the top down, the sunshine shining
the wind combing that great, white, snowy beard
He was driving like a cowboy (chillin' the most)
who knew He was riding the herd
not part of it.
I figure He saw the ads: Drivers Wanted
and for the first time in a 1000 years
God was in the Driver's seat
going somewhere.

Even two cars back, I knew who He was.
And HE knew I was checking him out.
He took off his shades and raised a big, bushy, eyebrow

- oh my god -
/ yes? /

This was much worse than yakking on a cell phone
dividing my attention until there is not enough left:
When I looked back at the road in front of me,
Palestinian police were going hand to hand with Israeli soldiers,
90% of the people in Zimbabwe were telling a stranger
sew up the vaginas of confessed lesbians
castrate the fudgepackers or hang them
if caught in the act. The will of the people to make hate
law is short-circuited only by greed,
the need for Western gold keeps hate out of their constitution
but does not stop it from drowning the cops, the churchmen
the average citizen, mom, and dad
drowning in the excrement of their belief.

Meanwhile, traffic is looking ugly and jamming to a 9mm beat.
Johnny Law has pulled over that Texan dragging his prejudice
behind his truck. Good ole boy's dumb luck. He forgot to check the weather
killed a black man for being black
while the sun was shining on the greatest country in the world.
Way up ahead of me, multiple Balkans weave in and out of traffic
playing chicken with the pachyderm hulks of Post-Soviet RV's
and Chinese buses with really ass-kicking, dashboard-to-forehead-
type hydraulic breaks that scream like banshees when forcefully applied.

Two lanes over in Pakistan, men are gouging out women's eyes,
cutting off ears, lips and noses
Ramming red hot iron rods into their wives' pussies
to regain their lost honor. (how did it get THERE ?)

These are the roads to Hell, Your blue highways My Lord
and this is Your good intent
and I'm not EVEN getting off at Africa, or India, or Nepal.
But I hear its pretty bad there too
The HOV lanes are full of unAmerican things
like famine, plague, war...
Stick to the surface streets if you are afraid.
Mainstreet, USA : Obesity, A.I.D.S. , the war on drugs....
I hear its pretty bad there too
With or without You, but never in spite of You

En flagrante delicto

Ah hell, that thing in the brown Punjab is riding up my ass.
Makes me want to kill somebody who drives like that
I brake hard and change lanes without a signal,
cutting in front of Gaza and Southern Lebanon with room to spare
but I have to swerve onto the paved shoulder just to keep from
rear-ending Zimbabwe.
A standing ovation of car horns battened down and squealing tires
greets my performance.
I feel a little foolish. I should've been watching the road
not casting my eyes to God.

By the time traffic was back up to speed, Himself was right on my ass.
Tailgating.(Didn't I just get rid of the Punjab?)
That son of a virgin.
Instead of flashing his lights : / Do you believe? /
I glance, with some trepidation, into the rearview mirror and see
      And Nothing.                          
- Fuck - / I'm not talking biology, here.../
- I shouldn't be doing this sober - / Do you believe? /
- You are either impotent or incredibly indifferent
or a figment of imagination. However you stir the pot
its a crock. -
/ You are very limited in what you can comprehend /
- Doesn't matter how You serve it, its still bullshit. -

Using Occam's razor, I cut Him out of the picture
An omniscient entity who can't find words to explain and end dispute?
An omnipotent entity who can't find words to explain and end dispute?
Modern religions contradict each other too much to be anything universal
Ah, but the product of a human mind, most likely in an altered state?
Bad booze, or too much booze...
One day the human race is gonna wake with a hell of a hangover.
Drink a Bloody Mary. Hair of the dog that bit you, that's the cure.
Godpbm,( Post-Bloody-Mary) will be more interested, more active,
able to concentrate on the here and now. And eat a big, greasy breakfast.

I would have liked to ask the Good Lord
where He was headed and maybe where has He been
But at that very moment God went native.
I mean, HE cut off a big puke green step van with a
swooping jackass lane change
sans signal.... not even LOOKING
Just like every Smooth Operator to ever graduate
from that Greater Metro Area club of roadmasters.

Aggressive Driver Imaging in Use?
Imagine that.
A picture of God Almighty getting the FINGER
from the right, honorable Reverend James Whittaker
Doctor of Divinity, pastor of the Mt. Vernon Holiness Bible Church
Who tromped on the brakes
punched his closed fist into the horn
and over the screeching of the Lady's Supper Club and Bingo
screamed: "JeeeeeZUS CHRIST "

Well. Not exactly.... It was the Father, don't you know.


Ronald Gibbs is a 32 year old Southern man, raised in the mountains of north Georgia until he could think and tell stories. His formal education is a typical wandering from incompleted colleges to a ten year career in the service of others as a registered nurse. He wanders still. He lives in Maryland about two blocks from the eastern edge of Washington,D.C. with a small black dog named Bert, a big black dog named Sadie and two lesbian pixies who keep his mind turned inside OUT.

Email: rgonaut@yahoo.com

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