your letters to the editor to firstname.lastname@example.org!
2000: The GOP Debate In Grand Rapids, Michigan
coverage of the GOP show in Grand Rapids just didn't get it. Reporters
struggled to find minute differences in the candidates' tax proposals
-- all of which favor the rich and make no sense given the unanimous
wish for more military spending while "protecting Social Security."
The event was a full-bore Nuremberg rally as the cheers of the creationist
students at Calvin College encouraged ever more excess from the speakers.
Their devotion to the Cuban Taliban in Miami became even more fervid
than their devotion to their buddy Jesus. Fidel Castro, they agreed,
eats babies for breakfast. And Jesus, it seems, would be a happy switch-puller
on death row. Homosexuals shouldn't be allowed to mingle with real
men in the armed and dangerous forces, and abortion is causing the
downfall of all that Americans hold dear. The cure for AIDS is heterosexuality.
It is God's will that the Palestinians emigrate to Antarctica or commit
mass suicide. Foreign aid interferes with the rise of capitalism in
poor nations. In a hostage situation, they would never negotiate --
all would simply attack the terrorists. Although the hostages would
be killed, the manhood of the would-be leader of the free world would
be preserved. When will the Democrats learn that they can never out
shout the GOPs for the loony vote? (Gore seems to be trying.)
I went to your site with an open mind and have, to this point, nothing
good or nice to say.
way too damn many graphics. For some reason my computer choked on
all this garbage, and crashed. So I rebooted. Still didn't load right.
a writer (madam or sir or whatever you are), and have no time to fuck
around with crap like.
I notice you made no mention of payment. In short, you fuck writers,
review rating: -5000
a nice day.
fuck writers if they pay us. All proceeds help support our subscription-free
a nice day.
WRITERS NOTHING BECAUSE WE DO IT ALL FOR FREE AND DON'T EVEN PAY OURSELVES.
AS FOR YOUR DIFFICULTIES IN CYBERSPACE WE CAN ONLY REGRET THAT YOU'RE
AN OLD FOGEY. YOUR SOUR GRAPES, WHICH SEEM CHRONIC, MAY BE PREVENTING
YOU FROM LEARNING SOMETHING NEW. TRY PREPARATION H.
Surovell and Her Readers
Salon dismissed/Lamott disemboweled
story on Lamott is AMAZING. Everyone here in San Francisco just LOVES
her and I hit my forehead and wonder how or why she's always doing
these radio gigs and telling people how to do things. You, girl, you're
slinging artichokes at the giants and I'm right there... right there
waaaay behind you, because when it comes to writer folks, I'm never
quite sure what I'm talking about. See, I think Stephen King is genious
(even though I haven't read him since PET SEMETARY came out when I
was in high school). Formula? Sure, why not. Plays come in three parts;
screenplays are 120 pages. I don't care. I just hope to GOD my books
never, ever get big enough for YOU to review. Yours truly, Erika Lopez
published a couple of essays in Salon.com myself (and they're damn
lucky to have 'em too), I couldn't help but chortle over your piece
in EC about that site! Especially that ratty-head psycho Anne Lamott.
thought Salon was just soooo over the top, West-Coast, Bay-Area blather
that I was inspired to start my own e-zine, WaySouth. Now I can blather
away with over-the-top, Southern-oriented nonsense to my heart's content.
your piece a whole lot...
Wait, is this Lamott woman real?
was the first essay I read in the online Exquisite Corpse, and your
informal style nails the point about this author from Salon magazine
deftly. Still, I must wonder: Are you sure this woman isn't, say,
fictional? Maybe she's a personality projection by the publishers.
I'm a tad scared to check with Salon (maybe I'll examine the phone
book) to confirm she isn't, say, an outcast from the old Processed
Word zine or perhaps the state-mandated therapy for a child-beater.
Just a thought, as the idea that any professional magazine would pay
a wacko except by direct deposit...maybe that's it. They're not a
professional magazine. Maybe you've hit on something else: that Salon
is less a publication as a Geocities for hacks. Keep up the fab work!
Dante Blando, Utica, NY
Birdbrain by Birdbrain
read your piece about Anne Lamott in EC. I thought it was mean spirited.
Thank you. The only thing worse than reading her, is listening to
her read her stuff. Whining, monotone, zombie. (No disrespect to Zombies
intended.) I think I'd like to hear what you have to say about Garrison
Keillor. Matt Eggleston
Re: Salon dismissed/Lamott disemboweled
website "Panix.com"? I'll check it out. I'd actually found out about
you because I was at home writing or fucking around, with the radio
on, and the Russian-sounding guy that does commentaries was on "Talk
of the Nation" about scary stories. (I'm horrible with names.) They
said he edits "Exquisite Corpse.org", and so I checked it out. I'd
only heard of Salon last year when someone told me they gave me a
bad review of one of my books, and I haven't really checked it out
since. So of course, your title got my attention. And your writing's
really good. You cut right through it all and you're not too cool.
I can't STAND all of these snide writers who're just TOO COOL. Boring.
I enjoyed your piece Dissing 'Salon' Again in Andrei's EXQUISITE CORPSE
immensely, as well as all the referenced pieces included. I only have
one theoretical question. I know you are an Editor, et all;...but
are you misspelling MILLENNIUM (on your URL) for some reason of artistic
license, or is it an insider's joke I am failing to pick up on? Just
wonderin'. Ms. Paris Tirone email@example.com
Re: Birdbrain by Birdbrain
to bug you again. But I wanted to talk you into listening to Bride
of Christ Looney Lady Lamott read one of her own pieces. You must
savor the time lengthening effect of her drone. Listen to her often
and you may not live forever, but you'll know what it feels like.
I wonder which ring of hell her voice would be the sound track for.
You decide. The site is http://www.thislife.org/
(This American Life) look for the program from June 5, 1998 entitled
"Music Lessons". You can listen to the show via Realaudio. David Sedaris
also reads something on this show and does a dead on imitation of
Billie Holiday singing the Oscar Meyer Bologna song. You won't be
are you funny! firstname.lastname@example.org
- Was headed over to see what musical misstep Salon had made this
week, when I clicked over to EC instead and came across your spot-on
pieces on their ivory web-tower. While I may eventually cringe at
the memory of my dogged pursuit of various editors there, I will savor
this sense of liberation as long as the vibe can be prolonged. Thanks!
Very funny, the "court" piece. How've you been? This is my first trip
to the Corpse site. It's nice that I can just zip in there at my desk
at my new job, just chow on a black forest ham and smoked gouda sandwich
while the smell of stinky cheese eminates from some of your characters.
Have a good turkey day...Joe Maynard JMaynard@christies.com
I thought I was the only one who thought that the Anne Lamott articles
in "Mothers Who Think" were a bunch of claptrap. Yes, I am paying
attention. I just don't have your eloquence! Merci. kac Kac04@aol.com
Maybe nuts ain't so charming after all
Just read ADVENTURES IN TAXIDERMY. Looking at things from your point
of view, I can see why you aren't as charmed by weirdoes as I sometimes
am. So, to amend my statement, weirdoes are great as long as you don't
have to live in the same building with them. That black candle trick
is something I'm gonna have to add to my repertoire of gags. J. MoonShadow_Press@msn.com
hariette surlyvell, thank you for your discreditation of saloon.com
and in particular the work of anne lamott. i have never visited salmon.com
nor have i read the writings of ms. lummox but it is quite possible
that i might have in the future. That is, until you stopped me. Where
were you when 'Howard the Duck' came out? i thought, "wow, a george
lucas film about an extra-terrestrial duck. this is gonna be great!"
i wish i had been forwarned. (entre nous, it's not a good movie).
it seems clear to me now that this anne lambchop just doesn't know
what the internet's for! maybe she should take a class or something
or get one of those internet books for dummies. what do you think?
do internet wide searches on "black butts" and it was only a matter
of time before i got to the salaam.com article (probably right before
your "review" of salsa.com). when you want a big black butt, there's
no time to waste at the new yorker of the internet! that's for darn
sure! thanks again for steerin' me straight. mark
"Hardcore" McNamara's Corpse Connection Gets Attention
I think you're Mike Topp. Even if you're not I hope you hang out with
him. When I move there I will also hang out with him. Even if you
don't hang out with him when I move there we will hang out with him.
Note: We are all Mike Topp, Amy. Hang with us.
Know How She Feels
Corpse -- I sent one message but don't know if it got through. I hate
this goddamn compufuck, and I don't understand why anyone who is seeking
a measure of timelessness would want to truck with a cyber mag, or
whatever the hell one is called.
and the internet and suchlike appear to me to be for people basically
disinterested in communication of anything real, but who want to exchange
signs, more or less, as in Signifying Monkeys.
I'm pleased to be asked to submit, and may someday have no choice,
as far as "submitting" to "magazines" -- that is, I guess before too
long the printed page will be gone? In the meantime, I wish
you and yours well. Cheers, your most humble retrograde, Suzanne
Mr. Zackel's essay with interest and wanted to ask him a question:
I am fascinated by the process of dissemination of the Master Story.
How do we learn it? How do we accept it as a unified whole or learn
that it is, in fact, that? Does it have an independent existence,
and if so, how? Do you believe in Jung's Collective Unconscious?
forward to more of your work.
Implications of Wile E. Coyote
struck me until recently that the old Warner Brothers cartoons featuring
the Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote contain the essential trope of the
age within their formula. Wile E. always seems to end up in one of
those scenes where he is standing on an imaginary plain far out past
the edge of a cliff with nothing under his feet but air. At first
he remains oblivious to the situation, but gravity has a malicious
sense of humor and waits to take effect until Wile E. comes to the
full realization of his situation.
ears droop. He looks toward us. Do we feel a flash of self-recognition?
He waves goodbye. He plummets and disappears into the canyon. We must
wait while he falls, until long after he disappears, for the miniscule
puff of dust from his impact to appear on the canyon floor in the
distance below. This protracted interval indicates the enormous depth
of the canyon and how small Wile E. is in comparison.
what was so fetching about that Roadrunner's air-headed "Beep Beep"
that it was worth this again? And there it is again; that hypnotic
"Beep. Beep." It's enough to make a poor coyote go mad and chase off
into the wasteland after it. "Beep. Beep." I'm starting to hear it
in my sleep. This time it's going to be different. We will be back
with a new super-contraption, and this time we will catch that damned
Roadrunner for sure. Happy Millennium. Rex Rose email@example.com