Friend, allow me to take this opportunity to introduce you to
the contents of my new book, "Conscious Abuse: A Relationship Handbook".
With these revolutionary concepts, you can transform the troubled
liasons, failed marriages and botched affairs of your past into thrilling
new experiences of passion! In the first chapter, "Permission to Hurl
Invective", you will learn how to snipe, bitch, cut, denigrate, frustrate
and humiliate your partner without a twinge of shame. In the second
chapter, "Rage is the Hidden Face of Love", you will learn how
to plumb the depths of your anger toward any and all inadequate parents,
and to change that resentment into a refreshed and invigorated libido.
Chapters three through eight outline my techniques for emptying your
minds of unconscious aggression, turning hostile "leakage" into constructive
abuse, transforming passive-aggressive behavior into solicitous concern,
and changing the withholding of sex from a nasty weapon into a powerful
aphrodisiac. In the last chapter, "The Ultimate Sexual Experience",
you will learn how to make that final leap, in the privacy of your
hospital rooms, to deeply satisfying, long, intimate and orgasmic
sex. I hope you read my book. It is available at all gigantic
bookstores in the Self-help, Spirituality, Psychology, Sexuality,
Medical and Auto Mechanics sections.
Nixon Scratches, Curator of the Omygod
You're Killing Me Institute.