Exquisite Corpse - Issue 3
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Mike Topp has no boundaries.
He is right in this place.
Is he a full or an empty vessel?
When you seek to know him,
You cannot see him.
Can you take hold of him?
You cannot take hold of Mike Topp.
Can you lose him?
It is extremely difficult to ditch him.
Do you not get him?
In not being able to get him,
You get him.
When you are silent, Mike speaks.
When Mike is silent, Topp speaks.
When Mike speaks, Topp is silent.
Is the great gate wide open to bestow alms?
No crowd is blocking the way.


Harry Reems
Linda Lovelace
Marilyn Chambers
Jeff Stryker
Christy Canyon
Ron Jeremy


Sweating. Itching. Anorexia. Night sweats. Dizziness.       Headache. Sensation
disturbance. Chills. Malaise. Delusions. Depersonalization.      Euphoria.
Hallucinations. Hostility. Libido increased. Manic reaction.       Paranoid
reaction. Psychosis. Stupor.



8 8 8 8



Not too long ago, a couple of years before I heard the story, there was this girl who lived in Coney Island who was drunk, and she didn't want anyone to know, but she had accidentally swallowed a beach ball at a party. After a while, five or six months, she thought it would probably be all right, so she went scuba diving and all of a sudden she went whoooosh and she exploded.


One of the few things I remember from my medical education classes (I later switched over to nuclear physics) had something to do with whether or not you were supposed to swab an inmate's arm with alcohol before administering a lethal injection.


A painter fell in love with a bowl of fruit. They enjoyed each other so fully that they hardly ate or slept for two months and a half. One morning the painter received the visit of an important person, who bought all his paintings and had them exhibited in a famous museum. The bowl of fruit was on the cover of an art magazine owned by the same person. The painter and the bowl of fruit bought a castle in Spain. They became farmers, read books, and helped needy people.


Listen to a pillow by pressing your ear to it. Listen to a table by putting your elbows on it and listening through your palms.


What was that thin strip of wood you had in bed last night? When I touched it you woke up and said to leave it alone because you wanted to see how long you slept.


I have a large IQ and shirt. To hide my deformity I wear special clothing. Once, as a joke, I put my shirt on backwards. No one got it.


Nick awoke in his room. He felt tired. He looked up to see his old friend, Brad Flakes, the U.S. Sales Ranger. "Relax, Nick...you took quite a bruising last night in that accident. You've got to recover. Do you know what I mean?" beamed the kindly Flakes. Nick nodded. "Nick...the communists have set off a 'rapid disassembly' device in Drop City."

"Rapid disassembly!" Nick sucked his breath.
"Yes...fortunately, to ensure everyone's safety, I sent American troops to the blast center immediately..."

Flakes swallowed a Bromo.


Do you hear the rabbit singing? What a voice! The day walks in circles around him. At night he is clothed in black. Ants and thistleburrs are his leaves and birds. As for me, I am shooting down nuts with my gun.


I shot for Eton and I shot for Sandhurst. But I will only shoot animals that don't shoot back. I adore underwater swimming. When I shoot fish I don't wear an aqualung--it evens out the odds. The smell of tobacco makes the fishes cough. I'm sure they think of me as a pirate.


I was at home last Wednesday afternoon and I dropped this really valuable vase. And I was really frightened and everything because it was Mom's favorite vase and there was no way to replace it. I thought it over and remembered that I was playing a record at the same time I dropped it. So I just played the record backwards until the broken vase came together again on the floor and hopped up to my hands.


Our family went shopping for school supplies one Sunday at the local shopping center. I noticed that plastic rulers cost more than wood rulers even though the wood ones were nicer and I thought that maybe it was because the plastic ones were longer but there was no way to tell.


I didn't have anything to do last Wednesday afternoon so I went for a walk. There was a paper bag on the sidewalk and as I passed it I gave it a kick. I thought that the sound I heard was like money, so I went back and picked up the bag and opened it. Inside I found $11.20 in change and a white dove with its head cut off. The head was in there as well. I thought it must be some kind of voodoo but since I was very broke at the time I used the money to buy lunch at my favorite restaurant. It was just dumb luck. Things are always going that way for me.


When my father first heard I bought a castle, his eyes got wide, his coffee cup came down. I said to him, Look Dad, don't get upset--it's not real flashy like the kind you usually see advertised on TV. But Dad didn't adjust to it at all, frankly. He's really old-fashioned.


She was very shy, it took me several years being around her before she would talk to me. We were sitting down and I had my shirt off--I started to make humming sounds while at the same time protruding, sucking in, and convoluting my stomach, so that it appeared that the sound was coming from my navel, my nipples, and my stomach. It was very tactile, visual, and auditory, but she got up and left.


Place twelve-year-old in microwave.


Billy, a sculptor in the service of a chinchilla rancher named Bill, lived in a treehouse for the summer. The rancher and his wife had hired Billy to do odd jobs, such as repairing fences, roofing, and so forth. They kept many other animals on their farm, including two huskies they were inordinately fond of. The rancher and his wife also participated regularly in orgies. One day, after Billy finished repairing their roof, the rancher invited him to a party, but Billy declined. The next day he was told not to come into work; overnight in a thunderstorm one of the huskies had leaped over a fence, hanging himself on his own leash. It is stated in the classics: "Rare birds and strange beasts should not be kept in this country."


Four out of five
people think the fifth
person is a



"I miss it that you can't buy 100 percent polyester suits anymore. If you're traveling, you put a polyester suit in a bag, put it on, and you look presentable. And it's economical. With the money you save on dry cleaning you can buy new polyester clothes."


Dear Mike,
A deer like the one on the front of this card got hit by a car on Hobson Road a few weeks ago. It then ran through the sliding glass doors in the apartment of Al Olson's. The cops came and shot it because it got trapped inside and was wrecking the place. It made the Progress. Merry Christmas.

Love, Randy


1. Your brother lives in my neighborhood. 2. You are left-handed. 3. You carry a blue briefcase. 4. Your grandfather collects insects.


The day ended, because my TV is broken: I threw it from the fourth floor.

The doctor says it's nothing.


The king has eleven horses. Nine ran away. The queen has ten dogs. She gave six away. Does it bother you that the king has horses and the queen has dogs?


The police in the city fire their guns or blow their whistles to announce their presence, allowing criminals to escape.

People blow their noses loudly even at dinner or during a speech and the handkerchief is put back into the pocket to be used again at a later time. This is not regarded as rude.


One does not always eat what is on the table.


Grassy told me once that when he was a child in the Pacific Northwest, a fruit tree grew from the head of a deer shot with fruit pits.


My little sister likes to explore cwms just like a boy. My older
likes to play crwths just like a girl. Sometimes I explore cwms       and other      
times I play crwths.


*"Cwms" are mountain basins. "Crwths" are Celtic stringed instruments. They're both real words.

http://www.mcsweeneys.net - Click on "Archives"
http://www.jps.net/nada - Click on "20th century author links"
http://www.scn.org/arts/realpoetik - Click on 1997, 1998 or 1999 archives
http://www.kingwho.com/johnson/johnson.html - Forthcoming work on losing virginity in Wisconsin; cheesy consequences
http://www.poetry.about.com/ - Search for "Mike Topp"


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