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Issue 8A Journal of Letters and Life

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New York: The Unbearables
by Bart Plantenga
Author's Links
Unbearables (b. April 27, 1986, New York - d. Dec. 7, 1994, New York), also called Unbearable Beatniks of Lite, Wannabeats, Unbearable Bootlicks of Life, Unmentionables, Unbeatable Scriv-niks of Spite, Unbees, were a working class"literary" movement based on the transgressive mediocrity concepts of micro-hyper-marketing and post-ironic juvenile delinquency manifested in their strategic recuperations of self-loathing, rehabilitation of ASTS, and their action rants. Most of them were employed as proofreaders and rewriters.
     "Founded" in 1986 at Pin Tan Alley, renowned Mid-Manhattan cocktail redoubt for sundry disaffected "bourbon socialists."
     Miguel D'Oro, returned in 1987 from a "past life makeover retreat" with group's first moniker, Unbearable Beatniks of Lite. Revealed misgivings of "to be or Unbe" and "founding what is unfounded" to other original members: Rune Köln, M. Blague (see Fr. for "joke"), and b.p. ummm. Eight years later D'Oro regrets "having killed it by naming it."
     They mainly engaged in a strange hybrid of beer-enhanced kvetching until, in late 1987 proto-Unbearable, Rollo Whitehead, offered them "valises of Dutch Beef," brutal koans of "necessary I-lessness and djinnism [misheard by them as "gin-ism"]-invasions of the de-centered essence into the concrete."
     They grew to some 40 "members" and were known but quickly forgotten for a variety of events that wrote their names in the "anals of perpetual obscurity."

See
also:
Ale (mantra)
ASTS (Attention Span Truncation Syndrome, see MTV, "Punchline Poetry")
Author (ascendancy of the disputatious faux self)
Baudrillard, Jean (comment at New School "Anti-Teach-In": "their things extinguish themselves in spectacle, in a magical and artificial fetishization.")
Beastiarie, Jerzy (Chicago member in 1993 "imposes regime of mirth." AKA James R. Feast)
Beer (psycho-activity and mysticism)
Blue Collar Chic ("couching erudition in post-trucker dumb-down Loisadix.")
Bolo'Bolo (author P.M. critical of Unbearable misreadings of Bolo'Bolo: "Those who try to get out of the Machine fulfill the function of picturesque 'outsiders'-bums, hippies, and yogis.")
Bunkum
Chaste Rollo (see also Malcolm Mclaren-Tommy Hilfiger fragrance copyright controversy.)
Coleman, Ornette (context of denunciation at Unbearable Fez event in 1993: "In Jazz the Negro is the product.")
Connolly, Cyril ("The only way for these writers to meet is to share a quick beer or pee over a common lamppost.")
Convenience (service sector fast food "time constrainment [sic] ethics" studied by R. Köln, leads to famous slogan "no time but in hurry.")
Crisp, Quentin (review of 1992 Unbearable event: "The Grateful Dead of New Fiction.")
Crane, Hart ("Brooklyn Bridge" poet leaps naked off a Caribbean steamer, April 27, 1932.)
Disney World (Unbee contract extension to perform "No Borders" at Mickey Rican Poetry Cafe denounced by ex-member Alfonse E. Vitalis as "dicking with the mouse.")
D'Oro, Miguel (auto-ousted member chided Unbees for "wanking in between creation and recreation wherein lies profit margins ... and true Unbees." AKA Mike Golden. Most famous koan: "Success is the failure of failure.")
Corso, Gregory (Joins picket line during Unbee protests of "Commodification of the Beats" at NYU in 1996.
Hagen, Nina (context of '94 Biblios "Anti-Slam" denunciation: "I'm not your Eurotrash prosthetic writing thing!")
"Hanging Sausage Summit" (1995 at Katz's Deli becomes known as "Night of Gleaming Cleavers" and leads to rancourous dissolution of Unbees as they "were or weren't." Boh'y comments, Unbees aren't underground so much as 6 feet under." See also Chickenhawk, New Yorker.)
Happy Hour, The (post-'87 imbibing respite redefined as "time-sensitive autonomous zone" by Hakim Boh'y (see also Bey).
Köln, Rune (haiku master translator of Joyce's Ulysses, "24 hours in 17 syllables." Included in time capsule to Mars, 1996. AKA Ron "Duke" Kölm.)
Masturbation (auto-biographical solipsism in work of Joe Pudenda.)
Mens Movement, Inc. (audiotape "Unique or Eunuch.")
Messmere, Charo (ref. to article: "From Men to Menses: Life as a Gyno-Unbearable." AKA Sharon "Glamourpuss" Messmer)
MTV (attention crimping. See "Poe-bits-Bite-size Poems" directed by Unbee, Halke Slivovitz.)
Pin Tan Alley (closes its Dutch doors in 1990. See Disney "vision.")
Poetasters (Writers of indifferent verse in Spectacular Rimes, U. of Conn. 1993.)
Primates (post-psychosurgical hominid)
Pudenda, Joe (Unbee member of Lord Burlap "singing" group. Song "Me & My Teddy Unbear" lyric: "Those not busy / being / ignored / are busy lying." AKA Jose ")
Rants, Action (1990-95, trademark events marked by underattendance inebriation, bad haircuts, harmless defiance, expressed dislikes: presidents, corporations, atomic bombs, and obscurity. See Chickenhawk.)
Revisionism (original 4 pre-Unbees in 1991 Faction of 5. In 1993 there are 7 "original" members.)
Rondo, Michelangelo (D.C. member remakes Potemkin as surfer-dude B-movie. AKA Michael )
Snarn, Wembley (Thai-based State Dept. spook and "long-term fan"of Boh'y's "Alehouse Boysterism" infiltrated Unbee meeting at Shandon Starsky Bar.)
Stripping, Furniture
Surrealism (compare Bretonian force majeure.)
Text Hacking (Among the Unbees were certain hackers of the greater syntax "messing with texts" by insertions or omissions of entire sentences to alter the straight texts, ad copy, and company documents to make these texts mean things other than what their employers had intended. See also "Lexical Autopsies.")
Three Stooges
Unbearable Bassington, The (1912 novel by H.H. Munro. Manners as meaning, surface as substance.)
Victimology Theory (c.1992 "I-dentity Politix" whereby pity and terror are non-cathartic transient emotional postures to be perversely enjoyed for their own sakes.)
"Wandering Tribes of Stout, The" (Condé Nast Travel, Aug. 1995, documents 5-year "Ale House Trek" of Unbees scouring NY for "beerhead" paradise-resonance, spacious silence, affordable, gurney-accessible. See Shandon Starsky.)
Wurtzel, Elizabeth (1991, first female Unbee. Labial wing strengthened by additions of Charo Messmere, Pat Pantalent, Sarah Lipgloss, Sandra Scuttleboot, Candy Rapport, and Caroline Wonky. See also Gynocharchy.)


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