I'm sorry I haven't written since I've been out here in San Francisco.
I'm currently sitting in the library of a commune called "New
Moon House" that I'm probably going to move into. I'm here
for the first day of a three day stay to make sure that everybody
can get along before I move in for real. The commune rents the whole
building so there is a yard, two garages, and several bedrooms in
the basement. There is a total of nine adults and three children
living here. I am really excited and happy to have found this place.
They (I want to say "we" but I guess that would be premature)
eat together every night. A guy named Pete is running a free store
out of the garage. It's generally excellent.
Jessica is being worked to death by
her professors. Summer school started the day after we got here.
I don't even get to see her on weekdays. We've been having problems
with me feeling insecure and neglected but that's ok.
I'm really disturbed that you could
read Henry Miller and call it "simple fun". He is an utter
woman-hater. I'm surprised it takes a guy to tell you that.
* * *
My roommate Pete (who runs the free store) and I went to a gay bar
called "Stud" to have pictures of our penises taken. Somebody
was making a movie called DICK and needed lots of stills of penises.
They gave us a Polaroid to keep and three drink tickets. We'll get
to go to a screening of the movie when it's finished. (I wonder
if I'll recognize myself.) It was a fun outing; I'd never been to
a gay bar before.
When I told Jessica about getting
pictures of our penises taken, she got the idea of photographing
me standing on my head with my glasses perched on top of my balls
so that the penis is like a big nose and the balls are the eyeballs.
What a hoot. I'll definitely send you a shot when we get them developed!
Pete and I went to buy a cool, feminist vibrator for his girlfriend.
I got some cool Japanese rubbers there. You can leave the box right
by your bed and nobody'd know what's in them because all it says
in English is "Yamabuki #1".
Did I tell you about Pete's job interview
audition at the gay strip club? He had to go masturbate in front of a
room full of men but he couldn't get a hard-on so he didn't get the job.
That's a real drag about your roommate
wanting to screw you two days after moving in. I'm surprised an
Asian guy would try that. Maybe it has something to do with the
language barrier. You should only rent to gay men. They wouldn't
be trying that and would be 100X more interesting to have around
and NEATER. But I guess you saw it coming 10 miles off!
* * *
July 6, 1988
So these Japanese rubbers are too small. I had a terrible time getting
them on. After two tries we had to give up. So then Jessica told
me about this guy she'd been with whose penis was about this big.
Maybe a little thicker - I'm not sure. I'm freaked out because I
didn't know that a full grown man's penis could be so small! Oh,
I forgot to mention that this guy was Japanese. I feel bad for him.
I know if my penis were that small, I wouldn't be able to relax
about it ever. It must be a real joy for him to go back to Japan
where that's normal. That poor guy! She also told me about a guy
whose penis was normal length but only about a finger's width thick!
I didn't know such things existed! It would look like a cartoon!
Did I tell you about the penis movie
that Pete and I are going to be in? It's called DICK: A MOVIE. On
the way out of the bar one of the guys asked us to show him our
pictures and then he showed us one of this guy named Lorenzo who
was HUGE! Did you ever see pictures of men whose penises were 15
or 20 inches long? It's pretty grotesque. But I really can't get
over the fact that anyone could have a penis as small as what Jessica
describes. Normal length and a finger's thickness - very bizarre.
How does a man this size use a condom? That poor guy. Sorry to be
* * *
of Golden Gate Bridge)
I'm moving. New Moon is driving me nuts. Too much responsibility.
Too much spacey hippie mysticism crystal crap. Too much peculiar
sexism from Pete. So there goes that.
I'm working with this really nice
guy from Vietnam or somewhere around there. His name is Dee. He
has a really thick accent and is hard to understand. He went to
Reno over the 4th of July and won $2200. Pretty funny. As I said,
he's hard to talk to, but there's something about him that I really
* * *
I'm moving into this apartment I looked at today. It's kind of yuppie-ish
but good taste is something hippie communalists lack.
How is "Pathetic Moron"
(your roommate) doing? I certainly hope he's not bugging you to
screw him anymore. You should probably throw him out.
Having all those discussions with
Jessica has got me really curious about penis size. I'm trying to
get my nerve up to ask Dee if I can see his or at least ask him
It turns out that Tish (who drove
us all the way out here) has a mad crush on Jessica. They slept
together once a few weeks ago and now she dotes on her constantly
and generally acts like a worshipful school girl. I think it's cool
that they had sex but I'm afraid Tish is pretty screwy. Jessica
is kind of freaked out about it and I think Tish is going to move
out of her house. I never liked Tish that much anyways. She was
her best friend at Barnard that last semester, though, so Jessica's
really wigged about it. They had planned to go to Japan together.
She's very interested in her heritage. She calls herself a Jap squared
- get it? Cause her mother's Japanese and her father's Jewish?
My ex-girlfriend came over last night.
She is now gay and about 100X nicer and more interesting now. I
still feel kind of attracted to her. I never felt attracted to a
Otherwise things with Jessica and
me are pretty cool. We love each other a lot and the sex is excellent.
There's a huge cool spider that lives
in my room.
* * *
of Mel's Diner)
No, I do not consider Jessica to be a lesbian. She only had that
one encounter with Tish. I just spent a wonderful weekend with Jessica.
She is a great woman.
* * *
My Divine Miss M-
Where in the world did you get that spanking thing? It's hilarious.
Kind of like "A Figure on the Town" of the heart.
The worst thing happened to me the
other night. Jessica and I were in bed and I had to pee. I didn't
want to have to go by Tish to go to the bathroom so I decided to
pee in a vase I had and throw it out later. Now the fool who made
this vase put a ventilation hole of some type in the bottom - don't
ask me why. It makes it useless for holding flowers and also for
peeing in. So about one second after I started to pee, the pee started
to drain out the little hole whose presence I was not aware of.
It drained right down my leg and into a huge puddle on the floor
while I hopped around hysterically trying to figure out what was
happening. I ruined a pillow soaking it up. Lord!
Dee said something really funny. We
were talking about penis size and I said I don't have a big penis
and he said, "But on your body, it looks huge!"
* * *
I think your roommate must be a mutant or something. I can't believe
that all Japanese men are like that. You can see by looking at this
rubber (enclosed) that the average Japanese penis must be pretty
close to the average Caucasian penis. And you said yourself that
the guy you called "Button" was a white guy. Although
these rubbers are troublesome to put on, they aren't infinitesimal.
It seems like Japanese men are maybe just more prone to having tiny
penises. But it can't be that all Japanese men have three inch penises!
I must say that your comments on Asian lovers tend to stem more
from some quasi-racist misconceptions than from any real knowledge
of any real practice. I am sure that Japanese women are used to
small penises and do not feel that Japanese men have a deficiency
that must be compensated for.
I'm going through a very sexual period
right now. Reading about sex a lot, talking about it and being horny
all the time. I don't feel like having orgasms - just touching Jessica
all the time, smelling her vagina, cuddling, etc. She got her period
yesterday and is passing huge blood clots the size of prunes. I
think it's fascinating.
* * *
Asian woodcut post card)
I know Japanese men are smaller than white men! The part
of your letter that I objected to was the part about the "traditionally
skilled Asian lover" crap. I still maintain that this statement
is based on some completely fictitious Western idea and I still
find it offensive. I don't understand why we can argue so happily
about most things and then get upset about this.
I read yesterday that Japanese people
characterize foreign men as being really horny all the time! Isn't
that a crack up?
* * *
Please don't write me anymore of this crap about sexual intercourse
being inherently aggressive and male controlled. It is incredibly
stupid and only pisses me off and makes me think badly of you.
Jess is getting real fed up with living
with Tish. It cracks me up. Tish tends to leave lots of thick black
hairs everywhere. She's still using her razors and never buys her
own. I left a couple of mine over there and she used those too.
Jess told her not to use her razors anymore since you pointed out
that she could get AIDS from them. PLUS after Tish uses them, they
are so full of hairs that Jessica can't use them anyway.
Tish bought this toothpaste that Jessica
didn't like so Jess was squirting it all down the sink so that Tish
would have to buy more. She's pretty mean to her. I can't imagine
them going to Japan together now. There goes that.
They're supposed to have their "big
talk" today. I'll hear about it later I guess. Can you believe
that midnight hike story I told you about on the phone? She is way
out of control.
I'm suddenly (STILL) curious about
penis size. (Mainly small ones.) What's the smallest one you've
ever seen besides "the Button'? Penises are so much easier
to draw than vaginas!
* * *
(Postcard of neon sign "girls!Girls!GIRLS!")
I have some mighty shocking news! Jess got a job - STRIPPING! She's
doing it to save for Japan and she certainly knows what she's getting
into. (Remember that paper she did at Barnard?) She's working in
a peep-show type set-up with three other dancers at a time. It's
strange but I respect her for her guts. We're leaving for Japan
right after Christmas. Tish moved out. It is such a relief to be
alone with Jess. I've been wearing her old sundresses around the
apartment when I relax and find it very soothing.