These "found language" pieces were assembled using phrases borrowed from a single issue of The Sun, a weekly tabloid. The issue included articles on "New Revelations Hidden in Vaults of the Popes," "Greatest Healing Hands in America Work Wonders Daily," and "Is Drilling Hole in Head Really Way to Find Inner Peace?" A word of advice: The reader should suspend disbelief for the sake of a plastic bag containing the purloined lips of singer Sarah MacLachlan.

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     When your brain is teeming with unbearable revelations, it's time to play patty cake with Dr. Kevorkian.

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     TV talk guru Phil Donohue is no pipe dream. Laying his vibrant hands on friends, then neighbors, then total strangers, he revealed his incredible healing oyster. The results were stupendous! There simply isn't enough room to bury them all.

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     As the 80s waned, so did Cher's energy. Staggering alimony payments of intense heat and deadly gases sometimes hurt so bad that she beat a hasty retreat underground. In the freezing confines of Antarctica, she played a twisted game of hide and seek with a light-skinned race of tiny people, the oldest and most advanced on our planet.

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     Gravediggers, city planners, and environmentalists can't wait to wrap themselves around singer Sarah MacLachlan. Since there can be only one winner, anarchy will be a way of life.

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     Blighted by a huge grotesque nose dating back to the pharaohs, bible scholar LaToya Jackson wrote a letter to God. Dear God, I sometimes hurt so bad. This may be hard to believe, but I have three children at home who call me the Antichrist. All three children are yours, but I might have had better luck on a bicycle. God bored a hole through her skull, a copy-cat tactic taken from UFO technology. After a few weeks of treatment, a famous rugby player from behind the bamboo curtain revealed his incredible pedal-powered six-digit worm before the lady. A torrent of domestic happiness came crashing down. God knows what it's doing to the children.

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     Boys are born in the bellies of fiery dragons. Life in a small tube, hidden in secret vaults deep inside the Vatican, bathed in warm milk or cocoa--tiny humanoid skeletons, revving the engine as a sign of protest.

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     How old is your body? This test is simple. Keeping your back, butt and knees in a straight line, mount 500 prostitutes from all over the world as fast as you can without straining. Record your time to the nearest second. If it takes 17 minutes and 30 seconds, you have a good system for a 60-year-old.

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     If, once the lights go out, your partner lets loose a plastic bag teeming with tiny grotesque humanoid beings, you're entering the "unfriendly zone." Beat a hasty retreat to your subconscious mind. Visualize warm milk or cocoa.

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     Men and women are built differently. This miraculous discovery, hidden in secret vaults deep inside the Vatican, was uncovered by medieval manuscript expert LaToya Jackson. Her arm raised in triumph, she began using the tools of creation for the sake of enjoyment. Monks in nearby monasteries took drastic steps to protect themselves.

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     Liven your home with the sight and sound of pontiffs on their death beds. It's a picture that sings!

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     Sharing a grave with strangers is yet another confidence-buster. Cremation is the answer. It's a small price to pay for untold visions of God's healing oyster. Call Dr. Kevorkian.