by C.A. Conrad
I stand still long enough I would be a place
comes to Graceland?
ME: Is it true Benjamin Franklin is a distant relative of Elvis Presley?
BFS: Eh--did you say Elvis Presley? (smiles)
BFS: (laughs) No.
ME: How about the theory that Elvis Presley was the reincarnation of Benjamin Franklin?
BFS: What? Whose theory?
BFS: (frowning) Is this some kind of joke?
ME: No, not at all, in fact, didn't Ben --- may I call him Ben?
BFS: I suppose so, it's not MY name, no need to ask ME for permission!
ME: Didn't Ben record a dream he had where he scrawled the mysterious word ELVIS? Wasn't he puzzled about this Elvis word?
BFS: That's nonsense, no such thing ever happened!
ME: Did Ben have any strange eating habits? Like fried peanut butter banana sandwiches for instance?
BFS: I'm not going to answer that!
ME: Because it might be true?
BFS: Because your question is absurd!
ME: Isn't it true that Franklin had a very serious addiction to prescription drugs?
BFS: They didn't have Thrift Drugstores in 18th century America!
ME: Maybe when he was in France?
BFS: All right! I've heard enough!
ME: Is there a conspiracy to withhold information connecting Benjamin Franklin to Elvis Presley!?
BFS: Young man, whatever you wish. I insist you withhold my name from this project of yours though! I want nothing to do with your --- your Elvis thing!
QUESTION: Elvis, can you hear me through the sheath of sonic jet fuel mist?
(page 113) Elvis began calling me almost immediately, and we'd talk for hours.
QUESTION: Elvis, should I let Norberto cook me his famous marijuana burrito?
(page 106) I was in such a state of ecstasy that I didn't notice what I
was drinking: four double screwdrivers, all drunk through a straw.
QUESTION: Elvis, is Norberto more in love with his wife than he is with me?
(page 168) I wanted to believe him, but I couldn't help noticing the national
gossip magazines and the headlines about the torrid affair on the set of
Viva Las Vegas.
QUESTION: Elvis, Norberto says I'm too weird to go out in public with him. What do you feel?
ANSWER: (page 212) Night after night he kept his makeup and the turban on all through dinner and up until bedtime.
QUESTION: Elvis, if I surrender into my tenderness for good how would I survive the World?
ANSWER: (page 215) He was convinced, and nearly had us convinced, that there were energy waves so powerful they caused the stars to glide through the universe.
QUESTION: Elvis, I'm tired of Norberto spitting overhead and catching it again in his mouth. Actually, Elvis, I'm tired of this relationship altogether, what the hell do I do?
ANSWER: (page 162) Wearing his football helmet and his big furry Eskimo coat, Elvis proceeded, as his entourage cheered him on, to bring down the house and set it afire.
QUESTION: Elvis, am I ready to give up my Elizabeth-Taylor-chocolate-dipped-french-fry lifestyle?
ANSWER: (page 286) Elvis was never much of a letter writer, but he now wrote President Nixon a letter explaining how he could assist the youth of today in getting off drugs.
QUESTION: Elvis, how do I explain the footprints on the refrigerator door to my landlord?
ANSWER: (page 216) "Do you see them?" said Elvis, looking intently at the course. "See what?" I asked, ready to hear anything. "The angels, out there."
QUESTION: Elvis, why did you die when you did?
ANSWER: (page 210) It was this kind of higher state of consciousness that Elvis was hoping to achieve.
QUESTION: Elvis, I've had many dreams of you, but I'm confused by the messages.
ANSWER: (page 204) He asked Larry why, out of all the people in the universe, he had been chosen to influence so many millions of souls.
QUESTION: Elvis, how am I doing writing advanced ELVIS course?
ANSWER: (page 89) I'd never played blackjack before, but after a few hands, Elvis thought I had the hang of it.
home | search
cafe | archives
mall | our
©1999-2002 Exquisite Corpse - If you experience difficulties with this site, please contact the webmistress.