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The Exquisite Corpse - A Journal of Letters and Life
Edited by Andrei Codrescu
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the making and unmaking of person
Poetick_Kulchur

An Adulterous ABC: An Alphabet Primer for Adults
by David Rachels


      Allie allows Andy alternate aperture access alone. For all of her adolescence, analogously, Allie would ask acquaintances to assault her about-face only. Accordingly, when Allie attached herself to Arthur, she was able to avow her abiding abstention. And now, although she always authorizes Andy for admittance to her amplest asset whenever he asks, she will assert-accurately, she assumes-that Allie Arnold is anything but an adulterer.
     

* * *


      Because boorish Bohemian Biff begs, Byronic Brittany beguiles buxom Bethany. As Biff begins to behold the bawdy blow-by-blow, he is breathless, then baffled, then bothered. Biff believes that not-bashful Brittany bestrides Bethany and bisects the breaststroke with unbecoming bravura. With her bred-in-the-bone bent for brummagem bijouterie, Brittany has never been butch, but Biff bethinks her behavior betokens betrayal. Be that as it may, after a bushel of bouts, brawls, battles, brabbles, blasphemies, brannigans, brouhahas, bonnyclabbers, and blepharospasms, benumbed Biff begrudgingly begins to behave. Basophobic Brittany also behaves, by-and-bi.
     

* * *


     
     
     Carla is caught-Carter is cuckolded. Carter cries out-Carla just cries.
     

* * *


     Domineering Donnie discovers Deborah diddling on the divan with David, her dildo. What drastic deed will Donnie do? Dismayed Deborah dismounts and deliquesces, deserting David to Donnie's discretion. Dispassionately, Donnie decapitates David.
     

* * *


     Easy-on-the-eyes Edie ekes out an existence exposing for exposures. Her eventual ex, evangelical Eddie of exiguous emolument, while earlier eager for Edie to explore entrepreneurial enterprises, explains that exhibitionism engages Edie in erotic extramarital encounters with an excess of eager exteroceptors. Ergo, Eddie entreats Edie, ex post facto, to expurgate her endeavors. While errhine Eddie exhorts and ejaculates, Edie, experiencing ennui, entertains expanding her employment with exercise and enhancements.
     

* * *


      Frank and Frances first frictioned when affianced to friends, Phyllis and Phillip. For forty-four years, Frank and Frances have fornicated. For forty-four years, Phyllis and Phillip have been faithful. For forty-four years, all four Frank and Phyllis, Phillip and Frances have been fulfilled.
     

* * *


     Gleety Gary Gilbert, a grazioso gynecologist gifted with gumption and a gargantuan glans, grinds everything girdled, whether glabrous or geriatric. If he gets you gravid, he will grope you gratis.
     

* * *


      Henrietta has always hidden from Hiram the hickeys on her haunches. On the holy horizontal hoe-down of their honeymoon, however, Hiram, to his horror, happens upon Henrietta's hewn hymen. Hiram harasses Henrietta on her hoydenous history until she halloos: "Was it Horace?" "Hell no." "Humbert?" "Hell no." "Homer?" "Hell no." "Hermes?" "Hell no." "Hannibal?" "Hell no." "Holmes?" "Hell no." "Horatio?" "Hell no." "Hippolyte?" "Hell no." "Hiroshi?" "Hell no." "Harpo?" "No."
     

* * *


      Igor has an itch. Ingrid has an index finger.
     

* * *


     Jack, on a junket to Japan, joins in a juicy junction with Jimiko. After Jimiko's jillionth jizz-job, john Jack joshes. "No yen!" says Jack in jest. "Guess again!" says Jimiko in jujitsu.
     

* * *


      Kipper Kevin, a knave drunk on a kilderkin of kvass and costumed as Kriss Kringle at the company Christmas frolic, sneaks in back of Kristi, a knock-out crocked on a keg of vodka, and kneads her kumquats. Kristi, no killjoy, escorts Kevin to the kitchen, kneels, and kisses her coworker's knockwurst. Kevin hikes Kristi's kimono, takes off her knickers, and caresses her keister. Collectively they collapse on the Kidderminster, where Kevin's knob knifes Kristi's kinky kudzu, and Kevin kebabs Kristi till kingdoms come. When Kevin encounters Kristi the next week, they speak exclusively of recovering from their katzenjammers.
     

* * *


      Linda licks the luscious Latino in the laundromat lavatory. She will live to lament her lust. Linda will swallow countless liters of Listerine while no longer feeling clean from her lips to her larynx for all that is left of her life.
     

* * *


      Mike meets Megan, his mistress, at the Midnight Motel, where the morally misguided mash much and mull Marlboros on musty mattresses. Meanwhile, most misfortunately for Mike, Maria, maid to Mike and his missis, Marci, may have mumps, which makes Marci the master Mike's mess, in the midst of which Mike has misplaced matches from the Midnight Motel.
     

* * *


      Nightly Nick nuzzles the nucha and nails the nylons of nullipara Nancy, then noshes with Nina at Nelligan's. One night at Nelligan's, while nibbling on nockerls, Nick notices Nancy. Nick is unnerved. Will Nancy notice Nick? Will Nina notice Nancy notice Nick? Even now is Nina noticing Nick notice Nancy? "Nice night, Nina," says Nick. "Nice night, Nick," says Nina. "Nice night, Nick," says Nancy.
     

* * *


      Over the objections of ogress Oona, Oscar overdoses on orgasms, onanistic and otherwise. Oscar, an octogenarian, will not oppose the opinion of his organ whenever it ossifies, as its obituary is in the offing. He is obsessed by this oracle of an oneiromancer: Oscar will only osculate after the onset of ochlophobia at an orgy.
     

* * *


      Peter and Priscilla, professors. Peter, a pencil-pricked pervert, preys upon the pregnant, but expectant paramours are not plentiful in Poughkeepsie, so Peter persuades Priscilla to uproot. Peter and his partner proceed to Paris, where Peter pretends to prefer the polish, not the permissiveness. In Paris, Peter is happy. As he plows the parturient, the perspective helps explain the puniness of his penis. Priscilla, for her part, pretends to be pleased by Peter, not her properly proportioned pupils.
     

* * *


      Quinten will quarter his quill in no quiver, as he quails at quim, no matter its quality. Quite the contrary: Quinten quenches his cravings quaffing the quincunxial quarry of his queen, Quincy. Consequently, Quinten must quash the qualms of his quaint, querulous kin. Quinten courts Quinella quickly, without quibbling. Quinella's kin, too, are not-quiet quotidians, and Quinella, too, is queer. Quinten, Quinella, quislings, quietude.
     

* * *


      Randy rued proposing to his bride, Rebecca, who, while ravishing, was not a redhead, so Randy rejoiced when first regarding the fiery ruff of Rebecca's bristly bridesmaid, Rene. During rehearsal, Randy requested a rendezvous, and Rene agreed. Randy and Rene reunited in the rear of the church. Remarkably, hirsute Rene wore only a robe. Regrettably, when Rene removed her robe, she revealed to Randy that she was no redhead, and Randy no longer felt randy.
     

* * *


      Robin and Brian made love only once. Robin felt guilty all the while; Brian felt guilty after climaxing. To no avail did Brian beg Robin not to cry. "I cannot live a lie," Robin wept to Brian. Only after telling Bobby could Robin go on. Brian begged Robin not to tell Bobby, for he knew that if Bobby found out, Amy would find out, too. To no avail did Brian beg, but he did guarantee that neither Bobby nor Amy ever found out.
     

* * *


      After Timothy tells Traci of his trip to Lake Titicaca, Traci terminates Timothy. Timothy tries to tell Traci the truth, but top-heavy Traci is all titicaca.
     

* * *


      Upbeat Ursula nurtures no illusions that umbonate Ulrich is uxorious. She understands his ugsome urge for udders, so Ursula neither upbraids nor even utters during Ulrich's umpteenth urethral usufruction of his uncle's updated urus.
     

* * *


      When virginal Vicki avowed vegetarianism, ex-victual Vince vented in vain, then vowed revenge. The vulpine ex-viand thieved Vicki's VISA and Discover and converted them to a variety of vulgar videos. When Vince vituperatively revealed his vast VHS inventory, revolted Vicki viewed one vibrating vulva then vomited voluminously on Vince's valuable VCR. Victory!
     

* * *


      Whenever Wendy waitresses weekends, woodsman Willie writhes with winsome wenches. Wrongheaded Willie worries workaholic wife Wendy will wilt while wiggling, whence Willie wanders.
     

* * *


      Dr. X-avier x-plores her and x-cites her on an x-amination table. She x-plodes in x-troverted x-tasy. Her native tongue is X-hosa; her accent makes her x-ceptionally difficult to understand. Dr. X-avier, who cares only for her x-ceedingly x-citing x-terior, has not x-actly learned her name, so he calls her Nurse X. He overcomes his x-enophobia long enough to x-perience their x-traordinarily x-plicit XXX-rated encounters. Tomorrow, x-ploited Nurse X will x-pose her x-panding belly behind an x-ray machine and x-plain that she is x-pecting. Which x-pletive will Dr. X-avier x-claim?
     

* * *


      Yesterday, a yabbering yenta yclept Yarina yammered to Yekaterina that yellow-bellied Yevgeny yawped to Yuri of yearning for young, yeastless yoni. Yekaterina, yelling, yokes Yevgeny in yarn and yanks his yo-yo. Yevgeny yowls.
     

* * *


      Two zebras reach their zenith in a zoo. Zack and Zelda watch, Zelda like a zombie, Zack with zeal. Zelda zeroes in on Zack's zeal. Zelda feels zilch for Zack, who zooms to his zeniths without any zest. Zelda feels zeal for her zabaglione and zucchini. Why does Zack feel zeal for the zebras? Has Zack been zipping a zitless, zaftig zebra while Zelda catches z's, zapped like a zek? Away zonked Zelda zigzags.
      

 

 

 

home archives submit black market comrads hot sites search ec chair peotick kultur anti-amthropomorphism
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diaries and memoirs translation and her retinue
the book of revelations and epiphanies working class sweat
the making and unmaking of person the corpse reads classics letters

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