Number of attendees at Harvey Senate’s funeral last October 12th,
excluding the priest and altar boys (two): 4
Percentage of attendees bearing the Senate surname: 0
Average number of attendees of a funeral service held at St. Patrick’s Cathedral
(the site of Harvey’s) for that same year: 21
Combined age of the two altar boys in attendance: 21
Number of uncontrollable giggling fits the two boys broke into during their three-week stint
on early morning funerals (including Harvey’s): 8
Ratio of Irish-American/Catholic/Democrats (including the priest, altar boys and the deceased)
to all other races/creeds/political party affiliations in attendance: 8:0
Odds given that one of these five (excluding Harvey and the altar boys) would find themselves
knee-deep in whiskey that same afternoon: 100:1
Percentage of non-altar walking attendees bearing the O’Charley surname: 100
Number of messages left by Mickey O’Charley on Harvey’s ex-wife’s answering machine
regarding the time, date and place of the service: 11
Distance between his ex-wife’s current place of residence and
St. Patrick’s Cathedral: 2 blocks
Number of children begotten by the late Harvey Senate and his ex-wife,
Helen O’Connell Senate: 2
Average distance (in miles) of Carol and Michael Senate (the children) from
St. Patrick’s Cathedral on October 12th: 4,134
Number of messages left by Helen O’Connell Senate on Carol and Michael’s answering machines regarding the time, date and place of the service: 0
Number of references to Harvey Senate ever made by Michael Senate to his son, Rory: 0
Chance that Rory Senate had a blank look when asked about his paternal grandfather: 3/4
Years after Rory’s birth that Harvey knew of his existence: 4
Number of times Harvey attempted to phone Rory during the eight months between this discovery and his death: 34
Number of times successful: 0
Percentage of these calls placed from the payphone in O’Charley’s Pub: 100
Number of rounds purchased for the house by Harvey at O’Charley’s
upon discovering that he was a grandfather: 10
Average number of girls half-his-age hit on by Harvey at O’Charley’s
on any given night while married: 11
Average number of girls half-his-age hit on by Harvey at O’Charley’s
on any given night after the divorce: 12
Chance that one of these girls accepted his propositions (when married or divorced): 1/168
Chance that a girl who had accepted had been repeatedly, unabashedly hit on: 7/8
Percentage of girls who, after going through with it, ran immediately to the shower to remove their topmost layer of skin: 89
Percentage of the remaining 11% who consistently drank more than Harvey: 98
Age at which Harvey brought Michael to O’Charley’s for his first beer: 14
Age at which Harvey brought Michael for his first girl: 15
Age at which Michael lost his virginity: 18
Distance (in miles) from O’Charley’s to the site of Michael’s first time: 1,867
Number of jobs held by Harvey between the ages of 14 and 64 (his death): 67
Amount (in U.S. dollars) of debt left to the surviving family: $126,012
Total gross income (in U.S. dollars) of the surviving family the year prior to his death: $67,000
Average amount of calls placed by Harvey’s creditors to the surviving family on
any given day: 5
Days that passed before the surviving family began screening their calls: 2
Years for which Harvey’s telephone was the payphone at O’Charley’s: 6
Age at which Rory began to answer the phone: 4
Age at which Rory called India fifty-three times in one night: 4
Number of times Rory called O’Charley’s the night of October 8th: 16
Number of times he spoke to Harvey: 1